James strolls back into the room -- his shirt has dried by this point -- and is all, "What's up, guys?" And again, everyone is shocked that James is back. Chris finally breaks the silence and asks what James and Desiree talked about. James says he explained himself and the reality of the situation, which is that somebody in this group will become the Bachelor, and he apologizes if his "great sense of self" comes off as cocky. Chris has had all he can stand, and he can't stand no more, because he can't believe that James is even thinking about becoming the next Bachelor. Michael concurs, as does Kasey, who seems to think it's like telling a woman that he can't wait to date the women he'll date after dating her. Except James only had to have this conversation with Desiree because the other guys told on him, essentially. Ugh. I mean, I can't stand James, but the self-righteousness of the other assholes is equally odious. I hate Michael, I hate Chris, I hate Drew, I hate Brooks... I hate 'em all.
God, FINALLY we get to the Rose Ceremony. Drew says Desiree "may have a mutiny on her hands if she doesn't make the right decision." You hear that? The menfolk will decide what Desiree's "right decision" will be. Fuck you, Drew. God, this show. This show! Do you hear yourself when you speak, Drew? Chris says the whole thing has changed the dynamic of the house. James says he thinks Desiree does trust him, and their connection is untouchable.
Desiree says this morning she had made up her mind, but after talking to James and seeing the crocodile tears in his eyes, she was second-guessing herself, and she doesn't know what to do.
The men assemble for the Rose Ceremony, and Chris Harrison takes a break from his non-stop Spanish carousing to talk about how volatile and emotional the week has been. There are three roses to hand out, and only six guys to give them to, which is the best goddamn thing ever. So three eliminations today!
Desiree comes in says she's had a great week here, regardless of everything that has happened, and she's making the best decisions she can for herself and blah blah blah. And she starts handing out the roses: Chris and Brooks get the first two, and you knew James was going to be among the group waiting on the last rose. That group also includes Michael, Juan Pablo and Kasey, and the final rose goes to -- Michael.
Juan Pablo -- who had maybe five minutes' screen time total, so it makes sense that he would be eliminated in an episode where they're in a Spanish-speaking country and PLAYING SOCCER. He seems cool with it, and refreshingly doesn't act like it's the end of the world. He has a daughter at home, but he still wants a wife and couple other kids. "Hopefully I'll find a stepmom for Katerina pretty soon," he says. Oh, scratch what I said about him not acting like it's the end of the world. He's crying.